


The darkest of times

by Likara



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe, Control Issues, Dark Steve, Dark Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Control, Non-Consensual Spanking, One Shot, Porn With Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 06:30:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19312543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likara/pseuds/Likara
Summary: Sometimes all we can do is hope for better times.And she hoped it would someday stop. Someday he wouldn't do this to her anymore. Would stop to feel the need to hurt her as deeply, as brutal as he did.Please read the tags.





	The darkest of times

**Author's Note:**

> I started reading and writing in the Marvel Fandom six months ago, so I’m fairly new to it. And I came across some really great works so far!  
> The theme of "dark Steve Rogers“ isn’t necessary my cup of tea if I’m being honest - even though some of it is excellently well written - but hurt/comfort is my thing… I love to explore how people deal with the impossible, how they cope with things. So I had the idea for this one shot… This is my take on the dark!Steve universe. It’s nothing groundbreaking or new. I kind of wanted it to be a alternative, darker version of my Bucky one-shot and… well… I got a little bit carried away…so please, please read the tags. I am quite unsure about this piece... so if you would leave me a comment, feedback, criticism is always appreciated.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Please also note, I'm not a native english speaker. And this had no beta read so far, have mercy... :)

  
Staying under the hot spray felt like heaven. She let the water hit the crown of her head, right where the headache that annoyed her all day had its root. Then she let it drift down to her left shoulder and let out a groan. She brought her right hand up to help relax the sore and hard muscles there, kneading the skin in small circles.  
It was a long and unpleasant day so far but this felt good, she closed her eyes. Things at the headquarter didn’t went like she hoped they would. They did rarely these days. But whatever.  
She heard the shower door open and smiled. He came home early and she was glad. A nice evening with only the two of them was what she needed right now. Maybe she could coax him into giving her a massage.  
  
As if he could read her mind she felt his hands on her back, sliding up to her shoulders. She let hers drop and sighed. "Hey baby. How was your day?“  
  
Instead of answering he squeezed her shoulders.  
  
Something was off. He squeezed tight. Way too tight.  
  
Finally turning her head, she was still expecting to see her loving boyfriend - she was sadly mistaken.  
  
Cold blue eyes stared back at her. His jaw was tense, she could see it even with his face covered in that thick beard.  
  
She took a deep breath.  
  
"Captain Rogers.“ she whimpered.  
  
He snapped then, crushing his mouth on hers, turning her around and pushing her back into the shower wall, hard and uncaring. She had no time to react and would have slipped if not for his hands on her, holding her to him. He still wore his uniform, even his shoes. She knew because she bumped her naked toes against the heavy boots. The material of his suit scratched over her skin uncomfortably as he pressed himself firmer against her. It made her open her mouth in a gasp. He took the opportunity to push his tongue between her lips. His punishing kiss left her breathless. He all but consumed her, biting and sucking and licking at her lips and tongue. She felt like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs, so she began to panic when she felt lightheaded and tried to push him away with her arms against his shoulders, but he only took her wrists, pushing them above her head where he held them in one hand, never stopping the torture of his mouth on hers.  
When she was sure she would pass out he left her lips.  
  
He looked at her, pressing his hips against hers, letting her feel his arousal.  
  
"Please not tonight.“ she whispered, more to herself than him. But maybe he would have mercy today. Maybe she could do something to prevent this. Say something, do something. She always thought so. And it never worked. But she had to try anyways. The belief that it wouldn’t go on like this forever, that it would stop someday, was what kept her going, helped her holding on to her sanity.  
  
"On your knees slut.“ he growled.  
  
She felt her lips trembling. He liked it when she cried, she knew that. But she really didn’t want to let the tears fall. "Please Captain Rogers. I will-“  
His free hand slapped her thigh sharply, making her squeak.  
  
"On your knees now bitch. I won’t repeat myself again.“ he spoke lowly, his nose against hers.  
  
She nodded quickly. He let her hands go and only leaned back slightly, so she was caged between his body and the wall as she dropped to the shower floor ungracefully.  
He eyed her vigilantly as he opened his suit to get his cock out.  
His erection was huge, angry and so very hard. Just like the man himself, she thought.  
He pushed it against her lips as the first tears slid down her face. Because of the still running water, she barely felt them.  
  
He took hold of her head with both hands as she took him between her lips. It was always a struggle to take him in. His width worse than the length. He marked the pace right away. Fucking her mouth deeply. He always tested to get a bit more of himself into her throat. She tried her hardest to breathe through her nose and let enough air into her lungs in those brief moments when he pulled back. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing but he wasn’t having any of it. His hand was in her hair, pulling at it as a warning. So she opened them again, glazing up at her assaulter.  
  
"Fuck, you take it so deep. Such a good whore. Such a dirty slut. Fuck yeah, gag around my cock.“ he groaned.  
  
His harsh words made her cry harder, what only added to her struggle. It had been weeks, almost two months, since the last time this happened. He had come to her at her office on the lunch break that day. He had made her suck his cock for almost 20 minutes, come down her throat three times, then taken her hard and fast against her desk that day. The marks he put on her she had to cover up for weeks.  
Like always she had hoped it was the last time. How stupid she was, lying in her boyfriend’s warm arms at night, thinking the ugly beast would leave them alone for good.  
  
Her jaw was hurting badly by now. She prayed in her head that he would finish soon. Just as she thought she couldn’t take it anymore he kept her head at the base of his cock. She tried not to panic as he wouldn’t let go and his cum hit her throat. Swallowing was all she could do. When he did slip his cock out of her mouth it was still hard, like expected. She coughed, what angered him farer but she couldn’t help it.  
  
He grabbed her by her arms and dragged her out of the shower into the bedroom. Naked and wet he draped her over his lap. The rough material of his suit biting into her sensitive skin.  
  
"Ten. Count.“ was all he said before the first blow landed on her rear.  
  
"One.“ she sobbed.  
  
Slap on the other cheek.  
  
"Two.“  
  
With the next slap, he shifted her, making his cock even more noticeable.  
  
"Three.“ She sobbed again.  
  
The next blow was the hardest so far. It made her squeal in pain.  
  
"Four“  
  
Unremittingly the blows came. Her counting were painful cries by now.  
  
After number seven she didn’t know if she could take anymore. It was too much, too hurtful in more ways than just for her body. Number eight came down hard.  
"Steve!“ she shrieked. She couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t… she couldn’t take anymore. It shouldn’t be like this.  
  
His hand stilled on her sore ass. He was waiting. She couldn’t help but cry harder. Why did it have to be this way? What should she do? Could she do it? His hands were now on her shoulder, he would sit her up, on his lap, then he would…  
  
 _Oh god, help me…_  
  
"Captain Rogers.“ she whimpered. He stopped, his hands went back to her ass.  
  
"Again.“ he demanded.  
  
"Captain Rogers.“ she said firmer this time.  
  
Two more hard slaps and then he threw her on the bed, on her back. The fabric of the sheets adding to the pain on her butt. The tears streamed down her face but the sobs abated.  
He stoked his cock and kneeled between her legs. Her naked and whimpering in pain, him still in his combat gear, only with his huge member out  and in his hand, added to her dispraise.  
  
She hoped he would just get it over with. She knew her hope was lost when he touched his fingers to her clit, rubbing it gently at first, blocking her legs from closing with his body. Sometimes he let her get away easily. It was just a hard fuck then. But not this time. This time he wanted her humiliation too. Wanted her wet and coming; being disgust with herself.  
She hated that more than anything.  
  
"Please don’t.“ she begged.  
  
"Oh, you don’t like that? Well, maybe you like this more.“  
  
She was as dry as she could be. The touch to her clit wasn’t enough. But he insisted on changing that. He lowered his mouth to her pussy. The first lick of his hot tongue made her sob loudly. By now he knew what made her body respond. He licked her clit a few times, before he went lower and pushed his tongue into her, over and over again.  After a few minutes he went back up to her clit, sucking on it and when she was wet enough, slipped first one, then two fingers into her pussy and started fucking her slit. It took a bit but she felt her unwanted release rising in her. She knew he felt it too, worked her even harder to make her come, make her shame all so much bigger.  
  
She couldn’t make him stop but she didn’t want to come. Not like this, never like this.  
  
So she did the only think she could do, make him angrier.  
  
"Just fuck me already, isn’t that what you want?!“ she cried out.  
  
He looked up from his task, his fingers still in her, pushing against that sweet spot.  
Then before she could even blink he was on his knees between her legs, his cock rubbing between her lips, making her tremble. His hands reached up to her breast, pinching the nipples, then to her throat.  
  
"Look at me.“ he said dangerously low, pressing down on her windpipe slightly, she complied.  
  
"I should tie you to this bed for this. Play with the little pussy of yours for hours, fuck your mouth again and again and make you come…. again and again. But…“  
  
With a hard thrust he forced his way into her. She was wet enough, and still, there was a slight burn. She was never sure if it was her body or her mind.  
  
"Shit you feel good.“ He let go of her throat and held on to her thighs, pumping into her, rapidly and hard. Long deep trusts, she would still feel in the morning.  
  
"You’ll come, you will come so good that you lose your fucking mind, you will come on my big fat cock. Because I said so. Because I want it.“ he growled down at her.  
  
The fabric of the combat gear rubbed against her thighs roughly. He pounded into her at a brutal pace, hitting the deep sweet spot inside of her.  
The unwanted pleasure made her moan and sob at the same time. Her hands were clawing at his legs but she didn’t notice it and neither did he. She still hoped he would let it slip, would come before her. But then he shifted his position, bend down to her, one hand on her throat, one between her legs where he slammed into her. His fingers flicked over her clit in time with his ruthless thrusts.  
It was pointless to fight her release now, she knew it. But she did anyway. He groaned against her ear, placing sloppy, wet kisses on her shoulder and neck every now and then, never stopping his hips and hand.  
  
In the end, her orgasm was just as powerful as painful and bitter. She couldn’t help but let out a cry as her walls claimed down on his cock.  
  
"Fuck yeah, that’s it. God you’re so tight.“  
  
He fucked her even harder through her release, made it stay longer and her body trembling. Only after she went down from her high he let himself come, deep into her pussy. She felt him jerk in her, he growled deeply into her neck, more animal than man at this point.  
He rested his body against hers for a moment. The large frame was massive on her. Still breathing heavy, he eventually raised, pulled out of her slowly and went straight to the bathroom.  
  
Finally, it was over.  
  
She stared at the ceiling as she listened to him moving around, hearing water running. She let a few last tears escape her eyes and seep into the sheets below her. He left the bathroom and walked out of the bedroom.  
  
She closed her eyes. Her breathing was slowly back to normal, carefully she moved, closing her still spread legs.  
  
A few minutes later she heard him.  
  
"Sweetheart?“  
  
She wasn’t sure if she was ready to open her eyes just yet. When she felt his hand tentatively on her arm she knew she wasn’t. But she nodded slightly to give him a signal to stay. He understood and she felt him sitting down on the bed beside her, caressing her skin gently, stroking up und down her arm. Such a sharp contrast to how she was handled only moments before.  
She didn’t know how long it took but he waited patiently. Finally, she opened her eyes. The small smile on his lips looked afflicted. She glazed over to the glass of white wine that he put on her nightstand.  
  
"Shower?“ was all he asked and she nodded, placing her hand in his as he offered it to her. In a effortless and swift move he pulled her up and into his arms, carrying her bridal style into the bathroom. He wore a shirt and sweats and he was so warm. She burrowed her face into his neck, breathing in the soothing scent of her boyfriend.  
Carefully he let her down in the shower, he got rid of his shirt - but kept the pants on - while she turned the water on. He went back in with her his hands on her shoulders, kneading at the sore muscles there like she longed for all day, but let her wash herself.  
When she was done and turned the water off he was right there with a towel, helping her getting dry. He went back into the bedroom to get her shorts and the shirt she always liked to sleep in as she combed her hair before putting it into a bun at the top of her head. He had changed into a dry pair of pants and put his shirt back on before he helped her putting her clothes on. Without saying a word he took her in his arms again. As he laid her down on the bed she noticed that he had changed the sheets too.  
  
She leaned against the headboard, he sat next to her on the edge of the bed. He handed her the glass of wine.  
  
She let the liquid stay on her tongue for a bit before she swallowed, then took another draft. She felt finally stable enough to speak.    
  
"Thank you. Can you get me a glass of water too?“ she asked the man who was still looking at her with almost unbearable care in his eyes.  
  
"Of course sweetheart.“ and off he was.  
  
Steve was nearly always sweet. But he was at his sweetest during the aftercare.  
  
He came back in no time, took the glass of wine from her and gave her the water instead.  
  
"Thanks.“ she drunk half of it in one gulp.  
  
There was a long silence. She looked at the glass in her hand, knowing that he looked at her.  
  
"You almost said it.“ he finally whispered.  
  
"Yeah.“ she said and drunk another slip of water before giving him the glass back and laying back down.  
  
"Why didn’t you?“  
  
She just shrugged.  
  
"I would have stopped. I would have stopped if you just said it.“ He placed the glass next to the other on the nightstand.  
  
"I know.“ she responded weakly. She knew he would have. He did before. It was like a save word, his name. They come to terms, once it was clear they needed it, when she said those two words 'Steve stop’… he would. 'Captain Rogers' was her approval. He would go on with whatever need he had to act out.  
  
He bent down to her, his big hand on her cheek, his thumb roaming over the now dry skin under her eye.  
"Why didn’t you? I… I can’t simply stop. I’m so sorry but I can’t. But when you say it, I will. Please, sweetheart. When… next time… I mean if there will be a next time, please. Say it.“  
  
There was no if. They both knew there would be a next time. She nodded, maybe next time she would stop it, but…  
  
"You needed that Steve. I saw it in your eyes. And I did agree to this so, it’s okay.“  
  
"I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t breathe. I was… I was losing my mind. I just needed to let loose. I’m so sorry sweetheart.“ he had tears and guilt in his eyes but his posture was relaxed as he caressed her hair.  
  
"It’s okay.“ she repeated, what else was there to say?  
  
"We lost someone today on the mission.“ he all but pressed out.  
  
There was a lot she could say.  
  
 _It wasn’t your fault Steve. You did all you could Steve. Life goes on Steve. There is more good than bad Steve. It will be aright Steve._  
  
She did it all and more. Many times. But it didn’t help. Not really. He was getting more desperate, slowly but surely losing himself in the battles he fought all his life. A dark slumbered in him, maybe created through all this sorrow, maybe just some balance to the good he always gave. But it broke out. Made him hurt people, hurt himself. Till they discovered this.  
He could let it out on her. His need to conquer, punish, control. She wasn’t totally sure how it started, not anymore. When they decided on what she should say to stop it, they were already in way too deep.  
But it did help she saw it, even now. Sure, there was regret or more like repentance in his eyes. Guild and a plea for forgiveness too. But not this desperation and all-embracing grief.  
  
Tonight was the most violent it ever got and she was terrified of the thought that this would be a new standard now. The gaps between those incidents became longer, but if this was what she had coming…  
  
She hoped not. Usually, it was one or the other. He needed to dominate and defile her. And he usually did it with a humiliating, painful blowjob, a spanking or making her come. Then he finished with fucking her roughly. Tonight he did all of it. And she truly hated it. Just as much as she loved him.  
It was so strange.  
She loved him enough to not say the words, even though it bruised her so deeply. She knew he would stop. He did before as she spoke the words. But the exasperation and pain in him had been even worse then. Not only he had felt enormous guild, he nearly had gotten himself killed on the next mission.  
  
She just couldn’t take the chance.  
  
Taking all the strength that was left in her she managed a smile and covered his hand on her cheek with hers.  
  
"Lay down with me? Let’s just sleep. Maybe we get up for an early breakfast tomorrow.“ she whispered.  
  
Steve hesitated for a moment, then nodded and climbed into bed with her.  
After they settled down and turned off the light she snuggled into his chest till she got comfy. Her left arm around him, her right hand on his heart. He held her in his arms, kissing her forehead lovingly, caressing her arms and back softly.  
She breathed him in, listened to his strong heartbeat when he whispered the question he could only ask into the dark.  
  
"Did I hur-… I mean… I…“ she felt him swallow, then: "How badly did I hurt you?“  
  
She thought about lying or coming close to it. Maybe something like: _It was not so bad. I’ll be alright babe._  
  
But she decided against it. If they would somehow get through all this they needed to be honest.  
  
"It... was bad today Steve.“  
  
She felt him trembling and holding her a little bit closer. " I know.“  
  
"I’ll need a few days.“ she continued.  
  
"Anything you want sweetheart, anything you need.“ his lips lingered on her forehead.  
  
"I need lots of you, my Steve.“ she finally whispered and felt him subdue something that might have been a sob.  
  
"You've got me, all of me.“ his voice was raw.  
  
 _Yeah, that was part of the problem._  
  
She turned her head up and saw some tears on his skin and in his eyes. She would shed some with him but her amount of tears for the day was used up.  
Instead, she closed the short distance between them, almost touching her lips to his.  
He compiled easily to her silent request and kissed her tenderly, lovingly with so much care it was almost healing, almost.  
As they parted she was more than ready to close her eyes. She put her head back against his chest and let sleep claim her all while he held her gently.  
  
She hated what took place today, like all the times before. She loved him, but she hated what he needed to do to her so he could breathe. But that didn’t mean that she would ever stop letting it happen.

 


End file.
